Baby, It's Freaking Cold Outside- A Guide to Winter in Chicago

I know we are not very far in our lessons, but tis the season of frost bite, frozen noses, and snow. I figure you need to know these things now before you pay a dreadful price.

Things Suburbanites Need to Know About Winter in Chicago

1. It. Is. Really. Really. Cold.

Whenever you see the temperature forecast for the 'burbs, subtract about 15 degrees. That's how cold it really is in the city- with windchill (that's what happens when you are by a lake).

2. Do Not Be Afraid to Over-prepare/Look Ridiculous

I was persuaded into buying a very expensive coat this past weekend- a coat made out of that new thin "supposedly warm" stuff, goes past my knees, goes up to my nose, and is wind resistant. I did not want to buy this thing. I have lived in the Chicago area my whole life. I know how to handle these winters. I was born with tough skin!

Oh, how naive I was.

I bought the thing, more or less to get my mother off my back, and wore it the next day to work- a day with a forecast of a high of 20 and a low of 12 (remember subtract 15). With the windchill, it ended up being well below 0 and the wind seemed to have a serious anger management problem that day.

I couldn't feel a thing. Not a hint of a chill or a tickle of the icy wind. Nothing but warm.

So yes, you may look ridiculous with your snow gloves, boots, hat, ear muffs, puffy hood, snow boots, flannel pants, windbreaker pants, wool socks, and giant marshmallow coat, but at least you are warm. You can secretly snicker at all of those girls waking around in Uggs and North Face fleeces. They obviously don't know what city they are in.

For those of you who choose to drive into the city (though I do not recommend this method of transportation- see my last post), you will also need to prepare. Remember to start your car at least 15 minutes before you leave. That way the car can warm up and your heat can start up. Don't forget the ice pike/snow brush- just in case you get out and it snowed on ya. Add 30 minutes to your travel time when you wake up to snow. Trust me- you will need that time.

3. Dibs

I encountered this concept when I used to visit a friend who lived near Midway.

"What's that chair doing in the street, " I asked.

"That's a dib," friend said.

"A what?"

"A dib. People use lawn chairs to claim their parking spots in front of their house."

This idea makes no sense when you are living in the 'burbs. There are always ample amount of spots, driveways, and parking lots to choose from. But in the city, no one has a driveway or garage behind their house so they have to park on the street (or in a garage blocks away from their apartment). If there is an open spot, you claim it.

Some people say it's okay to move someone's dib, but other people disagree. My advice is to leave it and keep trying. People are touchy about their dibs.

4. Use Other Forms of Transportation, if necessary

Shortcuts, shortcuts, shortcuts. Walk through a building, walk down lower Wacker instead of upper Wacker. Find other routes that will keep you warmer than walking along the hauling river,

Look into taking a bus or a train or even spend your money on a taxi. When you don't think you can make your walk, don't try. If you have warm enough clothing (like a crazy marshmallow coat), feel free to try.

5. Travel Light

You are adding about 5 lbs when you have all your winter gear on. So do your best to travel lightly- one bag with everything in it, leave your lunch at work. You will have lots of things you could lose- a hat, a glove- don't let that thing be your purse.

6. Pump It Up

Imagine your trek through the elements as an arctic challenge. You are climbing a mountain to get to the magical land of Flowing Hot Chocolate and Warm Cookies. You are completing an obstacle race to win a trip to the Bahamas. You must run through the frozen wasteland to save your frozen puppy. You pick your scenario that will get you excited.

Now choose a soundtrack to go with it. As if you were choosing a workout playlist, choose songs that have an up-tempo beat in 4/4 measure that you can walk to. When you freezing your butt off, Michael Buble will serenade you to warmth.

7. Reward Yourself

Once you have reached your destination, unwrap yourself from your cocoon and grab a hot tea, coffee or hot chocolate. Not only will this warming beverage take away all the chill from your bones, it will also give you incentive to do it all over again tomorrow!

8. Become a Weather Nerd

It is better to know too much than be blind sighted by a blizzard. Before you head into the city, check two different weather outlets so that you can get the best idea of what you will be heading into. I use this wonderful app called Swackett that even tells me what to wear every day.

The Train: An Overview

Throughout your childhood (and some of your adulthood), you have believed that train are magical things that take you to magical places. On the Hogwarts Express, witches and wizards get to eat delicious and sometimes animated candy, battle dementors, face their arch enemies, and anxiously await their destination- their beloved home away from home Hogwarts. On the Polar Express, lucky little children spend a magical Christmas Eve night drinking endless cups of hot chocolate, singing songs, (according to movie version) unsuccessfully driving trains and meeting ghosts and having a whole journey of self discovery only to arrive at the pinochle of childhood destinations - The North Pole.

I hate to be the one to burst your bubble, but real trains aren't like that. Most people don't talk to each other let along sing, there are no refreshments served, no in-movement entertainment, and most people don't experience an epiphany of self discovery while riding the train. Sorry. 

Most people sit quietly and read from their tablets and wait for the journey to be over. Nothing special. But the trains can be a little confusing if you are not used to riding them.

First off, Chicago is home to two different train systems- the Metra and the L.

(Metra)

(The L)

The Metra travels to the suburbs of the city with different lines depending on which direction you are going. This train is held in Union Station along with several other train lines that go all over the country.

The L is run by the Chicago Transit A. It's the famous one that runs above ground (eLavated train). It travels inside the city to the much closer suburbs. The lines of this train are all associated with a different color so you may hear people refer to "the Red Line" or "the Blue Line". Unlike the Metra, the L lines are connected so if you want to get off a line and transfer to another one, you can. You are stuck on the wrong train if you are on Metra.

The key for both of these trains is to make sure you are on the right side. The Metra has one side traveling towards the city and one going away from it. The L is much more confusing. One side could be going towards the Loop and the other side going away from the Loop. Your best bet is to READ THE SIGNS. The L also has a new digital system that tells you when the next train will make it to the station as well as how long it will take to get to the end of the line so if you need to choose a faster line, you can.

Rules of the Train Part 1:

1. Make sure you are on the right train-- READ THE SIGNS or better yet, ask someone with a uniform on or even a regular Joe. Chicagoans are nice. They won't grind your bones for bread.

2. Buy your ticket in advance if possible. On the Metra, the charge goes up if you pay on the train. And there is no worse feeling than realizing you don't have any cash with you to pay your fare.

3. You can always get off. There have been several times I have gotten on the wrong train going the wrong direction. But the great thing about the city is you can just hop off at the next stop and find another form of transportation.

Tip: The latest thing with Chicago's public transportation is this Ventra thing. You get a card that you can charge all of your transportation on- the L, the bus. But I also found out that you can also use your debit card. If you have this little sign  on the back of your card, you can simply swipe it to pay for your ride. It's also cheaper than paying for a regular ticket.

(The sign next to the "Blink")

Next time, we will talk about appropriate behavior on these transportation vehicles and any other tips I can think of.

Rule 1: Move Swiftly and With Purpose

The most basic rule a suburbanite must learn in order to commune with the city is the science of commuting. Chicagoans, unlike Europeans and Californians, believe that travel is a necessity to get a person from point A to point B. It is not a leisurely activity that allows for loligagging, day dreaming, strolling, and/or frolicking. In order to blend into your new surroundings, you must learn to embrace this philosophy.

The most efficient way to do this is to walk, ride, drive, eat, sleep, and breathe swiftly and with purpose. Not a second wasted. Not a moment left to shrivel up.

See Taylor understands!

Mot suburbanites understand the meaning of the word swift (being as that is how they got to school every day), but the difficult term to grasp is purpose. To have purpose means to have a goal or a reason behind your actions. You are walking down the street to get to a meeting. You are standing in line to buy a book to give as a gift to your cousin to learn about rabbits to inspire interest in biology and in turn lead her to receive a Ph D from Harvard.

Nothing is without reason or explanation. Mastering this rule is the key to being a successful suburbanite in the city.

The Suburbanite's Guide to the City

Far away from the super malls and the block parties, from well-lit sidewalks and friendly neighbors is a dark mysterious place that many go but few truly understand. Us small-town, I-knew-everyone-in-my-grade-school-class-and-we-are-still-friends people have heard of this far off place and simply know that we want to go there. Of course, this is our rebellious natures talking and not our conscious minds. The intelligent way to use our well-spent Catholic school tuition is to gather as much information about this distant land as we can before venturing blindly into the unknown.

Of course, that's the smart thing to do.

I am not one of those people. I was of the mindset that because I had visited this place before, several times in fact, that I would know exactly what to do, where to go, and how to blend right in with the masses. But I was sorely mistaken. Here, I have collected a set of rules that any smart person should follow.

Oh, I'm sorry. I'm talking about the city - Chicago to be exact. I am a southwestern suburbanite born and raised who currently works in the city. I don't live there yet, but hopefully I will soon.

I think that covers everything.

DON'T PANIC.